Look Ma! No Brains!

As Uncle Hungry Chuck Bukowski Often Told Me: Time Is Made To Be Wasted. I've Wasted Years Of Mine Mocking The Second Amendment & The Nimrods Who Adore It As If Jesus Hisself Wrote The Damn Thing

The Second Amendment Death Count Stops For No Insignificant Swinging Penis

Published by drfaustroll under Insignificant Dingalings, Literary Terrorism, SEO, Second Amendment Roll of Humour, Sedition, Sit Down Tragedy

It’s 5 p.m., Pacific Daylight Savings time. Do you know where your little sidearms are this evening? Any idea who their targets are?

Today is a mixed bag. The second amendment was active from the Pacific Northwest, south to Phoenix, with outbreaks of violent blunderstorms in the midwest and upper Great Lakes regions. The right to bear arms was apparent in a bar, on the street, at a car wash, at a party, in a home, outside a house, in a park, on the highway. Scores were wounded, several killed.

God blessed America!

And although not specifically named, the second amendment may be called as a material witness in lawsuits brought by the parents of Erin Peterson and Julia Pryde, two of the 32 Virginia Tech heroes, who said they filed lawsuits because they wanted someone held accountable for the worst mass shooting in American history¹. They sued the state, the university and employees and Mr. Cho’s estate to celebrate the anniversary of the shootings and the deadline for lawsuits, but I’m guessing they wanted to get on the docket before the record falls to the next protector of our nation of miserable fucks’ right to bear arms in the death spiral of continuing bad economic news.

There were also the usual stories of grand juries finding police use of lethal force to be perfectly justified after 9/11 and Columbine, where the standing orders from sea to toxic sea are shoot anything still moving that looks like it may still have fingers on its hands and call for back-up.

The humor roll of second amendment dead and wounded for Saturday, April 18, 2009.

Nameless heroes and handlers by locale:

Chicago, 1 terminated, 8 injured, 4 critically, at a car wash, another vulnerable body part you don’t want to get shot in.

Milwaukee, Wisconsin, three teenage women shot across from the Bethlehem Evangelical Lutheran Church, with one dead.

Identified heroes who sacrificed everything for someone else’s right to bear arms:

Shawn Evans and Dimetius Baylor expired at Grimes Bar in Millvale, Ohio, where another seven unidentified were collaterally damaged.

Another second amendment assisted euthanasia-suicide:

In Middletown, Maryland, Christopher Alan Wood terminated his wife Francis Billoti, their four- and five-year-old sons and two-year-old daughter before surrendering to the supreme logic of owning and bearing arms.

The AP story had this delightful sentence to help everyone through these difficult times: “Investigators also found a shotgun and other items they believed were used to slash the victims. Several notes were found, but authorities didn’t say what was written in them.”

I’m guessing it wasn’t a blog entry.

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How quickly history is rendered obsolete by new Second Amendment records! Get tough, Tiger Team, get tough!