Marjoe Faylure Malaprop Admits Arming Fetuses May Be Impractical
But That Shouldn't Stop Us From Working To Make It Happen!
Freshman Rep. Marjoe Faylure Malaprop (R-Word, GA) admitted during a heated House Rules Committee meeting about the Second Amendment and armed militias “made up of very fine people on our side of the aisle” that she wished science would hurry up and invent a way to arm fetuses.
“These are our most valuable resources,” Malaprop argued. “How can we expect them to defend our freedom if they can’t stand their ground against the godless scum who would toss future GOP voters on the bomb fire of their own woke insanity?”
While it is currently impractical, Rep. Malaprop argues that arming fetuses is clearly protected by the Second Amendment of the Constitution, once she can bring a case before the current Nazi-worshipping Turdwaffle Subordinate Court.
“Ms. Malaprop,” Rep. Jamie Raskin (A Not Completely Batshit Democrat, MD) asked the blithering nabob of white light annihilation from Bimbo, GA, during the contentious hearing that pitted shoot-first Americans against their potential targets, “Do you think that students should be armed?”
[Editor’s note: Bimbo is a small enclave of Civil War holdouts on the outskirts of Midgetville, who have amassed a communal fortune in Dixie Cups, awaiting the moment when the South shall rise again and enslave every non-white in our nation of miserable fucks (NOMF™).
Midgetville is named for Bridget Midget, Miss Daughter of the Confederacy, 1916, who was unfortunately run over by a truck while attempting to halt nature’s implacable efforts to eliminate stupidity from life’s essential building blocks.]
“I think children should be trained with firearms, Mr. Raskputin,” Malaprop told her bemused colleague as she flexed her intellectual prowess, waving a menu from IHOP for some undisclosed purpose known only to the QAnon Shaman, “I definitely do. I think it’s very important that every American child have the same opportunity to own and bear arms that our Constitution has allowed so many bad guys in blue states to do.”
“So they can repel someone who comes into their daycare or pre-school?” Raskin asked.
“Don’t put turds in my mouth, Mr. Raskputin. I said I believe children have the same right to firearms that the Founding Fathers gave to the rest of us,” Malaprop answered. “So they should be trained with automatic weapons so they understand how to use them against antifa and the woke mob while understanding what safety is all about, such as where the bullets come out.
“And don’t forget that abortion kills innocent babies who aren’t all Democrats!” Malaprop continued. “We’re talking about kids being killed before they even learn about #AmericanFamilyValues. Abortion kills innocent children, like the Holocaust, except not the Jews. They can’t protect themselves at all from this horrific procedure.”
“Sounds like you want to arm fetuses,” Raskin suggested.
“I said don’t put turds in my mouth,” Malaprop spat, “That’s currently impossible, Mr. Raskputin, and you know it!” she said, before allowing a small malevolent smirk to grace her hideous face, “But our scientists at Liberty University are working to solve that little inconvenience…”