Politics Has Always Been Poopadoodle
But It Always Smells Worse When The GOP Pulls Justifications Out Of Their Poop Chutes
Bush Admits To Misunderestimating Enemy Resolve By Axe Handles Of Evil
James Welch
Missing in Action Desk
Pataphysical Imaginary Community Cooperative Information Administration 0106050005A911SPIRO014403020PMS
WASHINGTON (PICCIA) — Admitting he may have "misunderestimated the willingness of the enemy to die for their lost cause by suiciding instead of learning to particificate in the rule of law," President Bush told a handpicked gathering of his favorite White House Press Whore reporters this morning that he is determined to "get to the bottom of these unfortunate revelations, if true, that I don't think they are, even if they were, and bring those who aren't with us to justice while understanding and respecting the fervor and adoration of those who are," while responding to the growing scandal over the indiscriminate slaughter of Iraqi civilians by American troops around the globe.
"And we're just not gonna put up with these leaks of sensitive disinformation," Bush said. "Whoever is going against us is going against the will of the American people, and the American people will not stand for this kind of conduct for very long, so I hope you know who you are, because if you keep on doing what you've been doing you won't be doing it for too much longer.
"The Iraqinese need to show some patience, too," Bush said, "as we continue to support the Iraqinese army and local police whose job it is to stand between their people and the occasional errant projectile aimed at an obvious enemy and thrown off course by negative thinking. Negative thinking is a bad thing. Everyone knows that. I realize how hard it is to convince people we accidentally terminate — it's hard, yes, I'm not denying that. It's hard, sure, but we have to stay the course, see — while protecting them that we had only their best interests in mind when we planned the excursion during which they failed to listen to those charged with doing the right thing in a world gone wrong, and I know you know what I'm talking about, because I'm speaking plain Texan, and we're all Texans in the eyes of God. Amen."
Bush vowed "to bring to justice those who are leaking this classified information about ongoing investigations that I only recently learned about to the public in an effort to help the terrorists discredit this country as the crucial midterm elections approach. We can't afford to change horseshoes in the middle of the stream, and I know some are saying that we can't continue to endeavor to persevere in a war that was doomed from the start because of faulty intelligence, but that's not my fault. I inherited this intelligence from my daddy and this situtation from my predicator who failed to protect us before the events of 9/11 changed everything, see, and I'm not going to fail the American people on my watch as long as we have the opportunity to maintain majorities in the House and the Senate to stay the course that the American people reelected me to do."
Bush stopped short of blaming the leaks on liberals, Demoblicans, and several dozen Republicrats who have recently distanced themselves from administration positions, hoping to retain their cushy jobs during the 2006 elections which appear to be certain to increase the Republicrat control of Congress because the Republicrats currently have everything to lose and the Demoblicans are unsure of what they could possibly gain, lacking a clear mandate from the American people, who don't give a damn and are increasingly joining ranks with the army of gay Islamic zombies who find western civilization only useful for providing puffy and nutritious tasty brains.
Bushisms on parade. Well done.