What If This Latest Planetary Existential Crisis Is As Good As It Gets?

And What If Lorena Banana Boebitsy Is The Prepaid Hope Of Our Corporately Foreshortened Future?

Not that any of these #ExistentialTrickQuestions really mean doodly squat during our current global extinction sales event to make the Earth safe for anaerobic colonization by hybrid vehicles capable of driving us autonomously to and from the meaningless jobs we were born to hate until our well-justified death rattles.

Recently, one of America’s favorite distaff nimrods decided to make a point more obtuse than the average high-IQ American idiot has been educated to fully grasp when she tweeted this gem of white womanly wisdom drawing on millennia of biblical solipsism, which you can get on a stick in Iowa during primary season:

To be fair, she Lorena was trying to one up America’s oldest president, who thinks “Made in America” is two words, unless, of course, he meant “Maiden America,” which I still can totally get into, despite my advanced decrepitation, which is what old farts do to entertain themselves. Get up close to my butt if you don’t believe me.

I originally missed Boebitsy’s tweet because many of my handles remain permanently banned from Twitter for failing to acknowledge that when I called Ivanka a feckless cunt in March of one of are unbroken string of stupid years I should have acknowledged I stole the phrase from Samantha Bee.

I’m not going to apologize. I am not sorry. As my uncle Bertie taught me in Murray the K’s Monty Swinging Soiree School: “Everything is in the pubic domain.” If anything, I was giving Ivanka more props than her crab-infested cunt deserves.

Maybe it wasn’t in the pubic domain, but are we really going to continue quibbling and splitting hairs on this dying planet, while reason sinks into darkness to the mindless chants of legions of heavily-armed politically-ambitious wingnuts?

Hey Twitter, I still think you suck, as I tweeted in my first post to your spastic colon of a platform back in our kinder and gentler Bush league days. No wonder Elon Musk is drawn to you like a German skunk to an Israeli bobcat in estrus.

I have since learned from one of my Osama bin Laffen accounts on AOL that many people condemned Colorado’s most famous developmentally disabled open-carry cunt for being unable to count, despite having yet to lose a single digit to the slings and arrows of outrageous liberals and cutthroat faggots, but I view Lorena’s tweet as a lighthearted attempt to express her appreciation for the Beatles and their classic ode to politics: “Come Together.”

“One and one and one is free! Lorena’s just so bitchen when she stands up to pee!”

I realize that coming together is rarely achieved outside of laboratory conditions, but Boebitsy’s bumbling acknowledgment of the difficulties the body politic has to endure while attempting to fuck itself or one another for the right to enjoy our supply-side plantation economy and community police state is to be commended by old school pataphysicians from drink to rocks-free drink.

After all, when God comes back to this planet to separate the cretinous chaff from its Christian feces, all He will have to go on is who has gone to war with water and who has remained withered and sere, as someone once told me in a life I neither chose nor willingly endured.

I hear Brandon recently caught COVID AIDs from a transexual toilet seat. May you and your misguided loved ones be next.

Sending you my thoughts and prayers. Trust me. They work as well as yours have, do, or ever will.

When life on this shit hole planet ends, I’ll still have a job.

#IToldYouSo

#TheTerribleSwiftianSword