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YU News Service's avatar

"Your big mistake was that you didn't abort yourself when you had the chance. Look at me. I aborted myself on five different occasions--the last time being just two weeks ago right before they took that mugshot of me--and look how well I turned out. Trump won!"

-- Rudy "The Old Fart" Giuliani, "Look, Ma! No Money!"

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Doctor Faustroll's avatar

“But I earned my Master O Farts at the University Of Sarah Huckabee Sanders! My shit smells like Eau d’ Low Tide.

— Doctor Faustroll, “Jackoff Of All Trades”

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"It is so good to be remembered! What a country! Dasvidaniya i spasibo!"

-- Yakov Smirnoff, "Onstage Nightly Now But Only in Branson, Missouri"

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Doctor Faustroll's avatar

"I heard you were dead."

-- Big Jake, "They Thought I'd Be Taller"

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YU News Service's avatar

"Nyet. But working with airline to rectify situation."

-- Vladimir Sputum-Putin, "Fly First Class On Us"

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Doctor Faustroll's avatar

“Our entire civilization has been rectumfied.”

Ezra Pound, “Flipperson And/Or Pussolini”

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so much depends

upon

a red straw

berry

coated in whipped

cream

atop the vanilla

loaf

-- William C. Williams, from "101 Recipes for Making Pound Cake"

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